There’s a lot to learn about someone by asking them about their interests, says dating coach and expert. What they choose to talk about can give you insights into their values, goals and priorities.
It’s also a great way to see what kind of future they envision. Asking this question can help you avoid a big mismatch down the road.
If you have a shared interest, such as a hobby or even just a TV show, it provides an opportunity for conversation and bonding. It also gives you something to talk about on dates that can take the place of sex or superficial topics.
If your date isn’t interested in having these conversations or bonding over these things, they may not be the one for you. They’re likely to be Future Avoiders, avoiding commitment in favor of a casual pass-time relationship. Or they might be a Future Faker, faking a commitment to keep you around until they find something better.
They might sporadically call or text, but they’re always only available when they need something from you – money, attention, an ego boost, sex. This type of behavior is indicative of a person who doesn’t value their own or your time and needs to prioritize their own wants over those of the relationship. This type of person can’t be a true partner and should be avoided at all costs.
If you’re dating someone who never asks what your interests are or seems to be genuinely interested in anything outside of sex, it may be time to move on. It’s important to remember that physical attraction isn’t enough for a relationship to thrive; you also need shared experiences and a sense of connection.
When someone isn’t genuinely interested in you, they will either be Future Avoiders – afraid to discuss the future or make plans – or they’ll be Future Fakers, faking interest in order to get what they want now (like money, attention, an ego boost or sex). They’re only around because they need something from you.
They will also be sporadic in their efforts to spend time with you and seem to be around only when they need something from you (or are worried about losing you). If they refuse to meet your friends or family, that’s a clear sign they don’t want a serious relationship.
It’s important that you share at least some interests with your partner. It can help you bond and feel like you’re spending time with a friend. But it’s not essential that you have all the same interests.
If you and your date are able to spend time together without fighting over what movie to see or where to go, this could be a sign that they’re invested in the relationship. However, if you find yourself fighting over these things on a regular basis, it might be a sign that they’re not interested in you.
If they don’t want to meet your family or friends or are sporadic in their contact with you, this is a sign that they’re not interested. They may even be faking their interest to get what they want, i.e. a casual relationship with you as a way to pass the time. This is called emotional unavailability and it can be hard to spot.
A person’s interests are a key ingredient to a solid relationship. Having the same love of wine, a mutual respect for obscure Russian poets, or even the shared desire to jog each morning can help create an emotional bond that goes beyond merely physical attraction and sex.
However, if your date’s interest in these things seems sporadic and their bursts of effort seem to occur only when they want something (like sex, attention, or an ego boost), it could be a sign that they don’t find them that interesting and are looking for just a casual fling.
This type of person is often emotionally unavailable and may not be ready for a more committed relationship. If they aren’t able to put the time into developing their relationship with you, they may never be. They’re likely to only be around when they need something and will move on once they’ve met their needs. They may be Future Avoiders, afraid to talk about the future and make plans or they’re likely to be Future Fakers, faking a commitment to keep you on their side.